Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
