Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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