did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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