his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
