Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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