Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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