I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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