I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
