I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
