Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
