some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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