Already got asked if we're dating
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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