I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize