nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
