Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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