i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i think my cat just said my name.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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