Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
