i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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