Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize