This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i came on her dog
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
