Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
