Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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