I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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