walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
