I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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