i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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