Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
