Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
