I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
