Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
