Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize