I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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