are you still at the devil's house?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There's even glitter on my cock...
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