it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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