You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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