i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
