Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
