just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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