I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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