alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
