But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
