I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
