you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
