was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's even glitter on my cock...
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