and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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