I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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