Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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