your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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