I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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