I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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