I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize