Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
