it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
