It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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