I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
