i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
