I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
