apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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