Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
