you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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