Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
