Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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