considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
