She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
