Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
