4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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